Not at Hogwarts
by SiriusOrRemus
Summary: A series of OneShots based off of the list,things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts.
1. The Giant Squid

**Alright readers! This is my new project! I am trying to work through a very bad writers block, and lack of inspiration. This is based off of the list on my profile, "things I am not Allowed to do at Hogwarts" I know, I know this have been done before, but I'm going to do it! I'm going to do some one-shots until I find inspiration for a full length and for continuing my other stories.**

***This is where you come in! I'm asking for challenges! Challenge me and I may or may not write you a one-shot! Romantic pairings will only be the ones listed in my profile! PM me your challenge please!* **

**Disclaimer: **** I don't own Harry Potter! I don't own the list that this is based off of! I'm just playing with these things for a while!**

**Things I am Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts**

**The Giant squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.**

Fred was taking Angelina to the Yule Ball, so who was George going to take? Truthfully, he had a huge crush on Angelina, but he had yet to tell anyone, not even his twin. He supposed it was the only downside of having so much in common with each other, and spending practically every minute together. He should have known that they would end up liking the same girl. At least Fred will have a good time, George had spent so much time trying to get a minute with her to ask her, but the only time they'd have together was when they were surrounded by hundreds of people, all wanting their attention. But George couldn't blame them, who wouldn't want to associate with funny and good looking twins and a _very_ attractive girl.

But, back to the situation at hand, George had no date to the Yule Ball, and all of the girls were taken. Why were there an uneven number of boys and girls at Hogwarts? Why? George needed to play it cool, it didn't really bother him that he was the only person left without a date, by the end of the night, there would be hundreds of girls who want to ditch their dates, and he would take it from there. But for now he had to play it like him not having a date was all part of a bigger plan, a chance o make people laugh should always be taken, and his brother agreed.

They had to decide how to play this prank. There was a list for seating arrangements going around and George needed to put something down to sit next to him. They threw ideas of dates at each other for the better portion of the next 7 hours or so. They had thought of asking one of the nicer centaurs, a hippogriff, the whomping willow, and even Mrs. Norris, but she was going with Filtch, that and she was an evil cat. They would all have been good choices, but they felt that they could do so much better than that so they decided to take a walk to see if they could come up with the most suitable date for George.

They had travelled from the Gryffindor Tower to the Slytherin Dungeons, from the Astronomy Tower to the Great Hall, from the Girls Bathroom to the Boys Bathroom, and yet they still had no luck. They had nearly settled for Moaning Myrtle, but she started crying and flooding the bathroom because they refused to let her come back to their room after wards. As they ran away, they found themselves walking around the Black Lake. They decided to sit and rest for a few. They took off their shoes and socks and they put their feet into the water, and they pulled crackers from their pockets that were left over from their latest kitchen raid, and started to feed the giant squid.

Fred and George both had the same genius idea at the same time. It wasn't unusual for this to happen, great minds did think alike. They both knew who George was going to take to the Yule Ball, it was the perfect date. His date would be impossible to actually take to the prom, but they would try their hardest to get it there. They didn't know what the professors would say to them, but truthfully, they didn't really care. If they said that George's date couldn't go to the ball, then they would riot! The Giant Squid was going to the Yule Ball!

Fred and George were talking to some of their many friends and up came the topic if who George was going to take to the Yule Ball. They thought that he was going to the Yule Ball by himself, so the twins corrected their misinformed friends. They told the group that George would have a date to the ball, and that date would be Martha, the Giant Squid of the Black Lake. Everyone was amused by George's date, and eventually everyone knew who the single twin was going with, even the teachers.

At breakfast the next day, Professor McGonagall came up to the two boys. She gave them a stern look before setting the boys straight. The Giant Squid was not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

**-The End-**

**Enjoy? Well there should be more coming soon, so alert, fav, and REVIEW! There is a way that lets me know how many people are reading, you know. And this is a gift to my mom ads it's her birthday! HAPPY BITHDAY MOM~~~~! **


	2. The Wizard of Oz

Why, I see that there are no reviews! *checks story traffic* I see people have been reading though! What happened? I spend time writing this and you can't take 30 seconds and review? If I don't get a review soon, well, I may just delete this story!

On that note! I don't own Harry Potter!

Enjoy!

**Things I am Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts**

**I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.**

Great. The twins had yet another detention! Though, tonight detention became a problem. You see, they had multiple detentions tonight, with different teachers, all at the same time. This was, indeed, a dilemma. Which to choose, which to choose. On one hand, they could o have detention with Minnie, they could write lines for hours on end, with no end in sight. Or, they could have detention with Snape, and clean his office and classroom without magic, because he's too lazy to do it himself. They could even go to detention with Filtch! But they really didn't want to do that, because after twelve detentions with Filtch he starts to give nastier and nastier tasks. They started cleaning the trophy room, then to shining the armor I the corridors, to…well, let's not talk about THAT.

They had to pick, but truthfully, they did not really want to pick. If it was up to them, they wouldn't have any detentions at all. If you asked them, it was a waste of their time. They could be doing so many other things. They could be, doing homework, studying, or even doing extra credit! Or, at least, that was what they would tell their Professors. Truthfully, they would be planning another prank, or doing….other things. Sadly, though, that was not an option.

They were going to put off the decision as long as possible, until it was either too late, or sorted out by someone else. Luckily for them, it was someone else who made the decision. Unfortunately for them, that person was Minnie, AKA, Professor McGonagall. Luckily for them, they were told that they were to spend their detentions tonight with the Headmaster. So, all in all, today seemed to be going very well, for they had woke up with more detentions than they could count on one hand, to have e detention, which they only needed one finger, any finger of your choice, to count.

The twins spent the day as they normally would on a Friday. They barley paid attention during class, and they did pretty much whatever they wanted to. They even got to have a delicious lunch, courteously of the house elves, before they had the rest of the afternoon off. They went back to the common room, to relax and do nothing but talk to each other and their friends. Eventually, they had to go back to the Great Hall so they could eat something before they had to go to their detention with Dumbledore.

They ate filling meal, because they had no idea how long their detention with Dumbledore would last, so they decided to make sure that they wouldn't have any need to take a midnight trip to the kitchens. Most of the other students had heard that they were to have detention with the Headmaster, and they all had the feeling that this would be the twins last night at Hogwarts, but their guess was good as anyone else's, because who knew when it came to Dumbledore. That man was an enigma.

The twins classmates all said their (strangely final sounding) goodbyes as the twins got up to start to head to Dumbledore's office. They both looked at the other students, who had all gone silent, and then each other. With a sad look in their eyes they linked arms and turned towards the doors. They took a few steps, before nodding at each other. They both inhaled loudly before starting to skip away belching a rendition of, "We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz." The other students and Professors were left sitting in the Great Hall. Some were wondering "What the hell just happened," some thinking, "I love that movie! I want watch it again," or even, "I thought that that were purebloods, who do they know the wizard of Oz?" Though, if you were Professor McGonagall, you'd be thinking to yourself, "I have to stop Arthur from letting those boys watch muggle movies, I should've never shown him how to work that television."

-The End-

Review? Yes. Please do that…now!


	3. Pick up lines

**This was too funny to write! I'll try to update again soon! But ya know, review any one of my stories, and you may get more faster!**

**I DO NOT OWN THIS! **

I will not use Harry Potter pick up lines on people 

Oh, don't you just love innuendos? The twins, for one sure did. Hogwarts was a place where you could find all sorts of magical ones. Though, many people were not able to see the beauty of these sort of things, especially teachers, they would give you detention for just mentioning that sort of thing. A whole months worth, maybe more if you were to say it to McGoogles or Snape, but Snape wasn't someone you'd want to say something like that to so there was no need for him to give you detention for saying something dirty.

The twins had a rather large quantity of innuendos that were just waiting for them to use. This was going to be priceless, the reactions that they could get, the awkward situations, think of all the possibilities! This was going to be a fun week.

DAY ONE!

Fred and George were spending the end of the day as most any other Gryffindor would, sitting in the common room with a few other people enjoying a comfortable silence. But, the twins were there, so the comfortable quiet was just the clam before the storm.

"Hullo there Angelina, isn't this a fine day we are having?" Angelina looked at George with a curious expression.

"Well, if you like thunderstorms, then I guess it is a fine day." George looked outside, and noticed that it was INDEED raining. He looked down at his watch and saw that it was almost twelve, and the fire was slowly dying.

"Is it just me, or is it getting dark in here?" Poor Angelina, she just walked right into this.

"Well Angelina, it is getting dark in here, but no worries, you don't need to cast 'lumos' to turn me on." Angelina stared at George for a moment before standing up, saying goodnight, and starting to walk up to the girls dormitories.

"WAIT! ANGELINA! Are you going to bed? Do you mind if I Slytherin?"

DAY TWO!

Charms class. Everyone likes charms class, even the twins. "Why would they like a class?" you ask, well there are many reasons that they would like this class. The first reason being that charms are very useful when trying to pull a successful prank. The other reason is that Professor Flitwick was all for a good prank, and would let you get away with it if t was one, good natured and two, had an amazing amount of complicated spells and hard work put into it. So, if the twins ever pulled a prank around him, they almost always got away with it.

Now Professor Flitwick is almost everyone's favorite professor, as he is a very nice man. Some people said that his heart was twice the size of his body, many people joked that he mustn't have a very big heart then. Well, that's rather mean, don't you think?

Today in Charms, they were going to learn a new, complicated spell, and Professor Flitwick was showing the class the proper wand movement to cast the spell properly.

'Okay class, you have to make a clockwise circle in the air and then you have to make a sharp jab in the center of the circle you have just made. All right? Does anyone want me to show them how to handle their wands properly again before I continue?"

A voice, sounding suspiciously like one of the twins answered him. "I'd let you handle my wand any day professor!" A few people laughed at this while Flitwick stared at the two boys awkwardly before nodding slowly and going on with the lesson. He went over how to say the incantation perfectly and then had everyone practice making the wand movements a few times before he actually let everyone try to preform the spell. He put his wand in his pocket, and walked around the class watching each table preform the spell, and made a few corrections before he made his way to Fred and George's table.

"Any trouble here boys?"

"No Professor, but i do have a question for you." The twin closest to Flitwick looked at him very seriously before stating his question. "Professor, is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just excited to see me?"

DAY THREE!

YAY! It's time for DADA! Probably the BEST class that you can take. The class was taught by no other than Professor Remus Lupin. Professor Lupin has to be the best professor in the school, and if you didn't like him, then you were obviously a Slytherin, or had some sort of issue. Fred and George did like their new professor, but they new better than to get attached, because DAD teachers never lasted more that a year at Hogwarts. Though the twins did believe that their was something fishy going on with him. The amount of time they spend planning pranks and sneaking around leads them to spending a lot of time looking at the Marauders Map. They have seen their professor sneak into the secret passageway under the whomping willow that led to the shrieking shack. They felt that he was hiding something, but everyone was entitled to their secrets.

Today in class, Professor Lupin was showing them how to cast a patronus.

"The Patronus is usually used to fend off Dementors, but I am not going to bring a Dementor to class, so we will just have to practice without them. I don't expect any of you to conjure a corporeal patronus, so just try your best everyone." He described what everyone had to do, showed them the wand movements, and made sure that everyone was able to say, "Expecto Patronum" properly, and then, like almost every other teacher, walked around the classroom to help those who needed it. After helping a good portion of the class, with trying to find their happiest memory, he came up to Fred and George's table.

"Any issues with the spell, boys? Any progress? Any questions?"

"Well Professor, if you must know. I have something very serious to say to you. "

"Okay."

"I've been whomping my willow thinking about you." Remus' life was never the same after that day.

THE END

**Poor, poor Remus. It might make him feel better if you'd review?**


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